BOOTLEG BLOG

Today's post!

---

03/06/2025

Purchased my first 2 patches to start my patch jacket!! I've been meaning to start this project for awhile but I have so much anxiety around buying stuff purely for myself that it took me basically multiple years. Got one with the Red Mage job logo and one that says "make bad art." I'll need to get some threat for the 2nd one but that's fine, I assume sewn on patches stay on better.

---

03/05/2025

I'm so fucking tired of generation generalization, fuck I'm tired of generalization period. It's such an inherently illogical thing to generalize a group of people that big but people do it anyways because it's an easier mental short-cut than interacting with everyone as an individual. Was trying to watch a genuinely interesting video but the fact that the person kept saying "GenZ" like everyone was doing it was honestly begining to piss me off so I couldn't finish watching it.

The video was about people bending the term "boundaries" to control what someone talks about instead of what boundaries actually are.

RANT OVER NEW GHOST SONG DROPPED ALONG SIDE THE NEW PAPA OHHH MY GOD THE SONG IS SO GOOD AND THE NEW PAPA IS BOTH A FORMER HOLYMAN AND FUCKING OTHERWORLDLY

---

03/02/2025

Been considering doing an aesthetic overhall on this site, making it mroe denpa aligned, I wanna change the background to something with a similar aesthetic to the old CGs in early Higurashi, maybe I can learn to take photos that look like that...

I kinda wanna just take photos of utility poles and fuck around in either Medibang or GIMP until I like how it looks.

---

03/01/2025

Happy March!... I'm so tired, I can't have coffee rn because I've been having nasty acid reflux so I need to stop drinking coffee for a little bit... I feel the withdrawl.

I've been messing around with ukagakas a lot, here's my current set-up.

I've known OF Mayura for forever but finding out that she's just been a super popular ukagaka is whole time is insane.
Wallpaper is by Ectro on Bluesky! Their photography is amazing, y'all should follow them!

---

02/28/2025

Randomly discovered a new ukagaka ghost on Tumblr and I am obsessed with her.

Her name is Mizuoto Sui, a little denpa robot girl who loves frogs. She's so so charming and silly and I love her.

She breaks the 4th wall a lot in such a casual way I love it.

She also breaks said 4th wall through the power of knowing your demographic.

This startled me lol.

---

02/24/2025

I wanna be this beacon of not giving a fuck about what people think of me, a real "I am cringe but free" type, but it's hard when you face in reality that being even simply abnormal can fuck you over.

People can act like that they only judge people logically all they want, humans are inherently emotional and inherently irrational. We literally have pattern recognition so good that it wraps back around to being absolute dogshit because human brains are wired to associate their shitty ex with bright blue hair with every person with bright blue hair.

But take work uniforms as example, to some level I understand them, you want customers to understand who's a worker and you don't want your workers to look like they literally just crawled out of bed, along with some of the stuff like no dangling accessories if you work with food as sad as it makes me. However, stuff like refusing to hire people with dyed hair or visible tattoos (especially if said tattoos are non-offensive) feel so stupid, just wanting your workplace to be some weird sort of sanitization because people who think people who look a little different are (literally or figuratively) the devil and god forbid we don't get every single customer.

I guarantee you if I was true to myself at work I would not be nearly as well liked as I am.

I wish I could wear my chains at work :(

---

02/23/2025

With some things going on in the world right now I would like to give you guys a crash course on autism's neurology real quick.

For the most part, it's still not entirely clear how autism works on a neurological level, being a spectrum disorder it's wildly different from person to person.

However one of the biggest running theories is that there's a lot of evidence that autistic people have an abnormally high amount of connections in their brain that allistic people do not have.

From ages 2 to 10 years old children's brains go through a process known as "pruning", which is where the brain removes connections that are unnecessary, however there has been evidence pointing towards autistic people never going through this process, autistic people potentially having an abnormal amount of connections in their brain.

In my PERSONAL opinion this seems to be the most likely neurological explanation for autism as it aligns with the absolute fact that autism is a genetic condition.

So, why am I talking about this?

Donald Trump has revealed that RFK Jr and Dr Oz are currently working together to "solve" autism. Odds are this is just a way for them to ban vaccines but I want to talk about this just in case it results in the worst.

A lot of people in the past have attempted to 'cure' autism, first things first, you can't cure a majority of genetic disorders, obviously I can't say every single one as "genetic disorders" is an incredibly broad term but a majority of them can't be fully cured as it's still written in the DNA of the person with it.

Autism effects the very wiring of the brain, messing with the brain at all is an extremely delicate process, messing with one part can completely screw up another. Disregarding the immorally of the implication of forced lobotomy, odds are trying to 'remove' autism on a neurological level is near impossible without fundamentally turning that person into an entirely different human being. And we shouldn't try to remove something from someone's brain that we don't even have exact proof of how it works on a neurological level regardless.

And obviously the other method of 'curing' autism would most likely involve forced sterilization and I'd really hope I don't need to explain why that's a bad thing.

And though I'm pretty confident that this is just gonna lead to them attempting to make vaccines illegal, I want this information to be known just in case autistic people start being forced into medical procedures against their will or if RFK Jr makes another type of camp to 'cure' autism.

Groups like Autism Speaks in the past have attempted to use electrocution to 'cure' autism, by electrocuting the autistic individual whenever they displayed an autistic trait, this does not cure autism, this traumatizes the person into intense masking. (masking is a term referring to when an autistic person forcibly hides autistic traits of theirs in order to appear normal.)

No one should be tortured or have their brains fucked with in order to be considered 'acceptable' by society. Do we really wanna go back to the times when women would get lobotomies for expressing negative emotions?

---

02/22/2025

Feeling ourple today.

Red Vox dropped a new single today and it's so so so good, I adore how Vinny's voice sounds in it with how the mixing was done. So excited for their new album.

---

02/21/2025

Ex-NFL player Chris Kluwe peacefully protested against the MAGA plaque being put up in California was arrested.

This is a violation of the USA's 1st amendment of freedom of speech, please spread this information around, this is a factual violation.

---

02/17/2025

I have very intense brain fog this morning, I genuinely can't think, I keep mentally disconnecting, I wanted to read a lot of manga today, but, no matter what I read, I'm not really reading, just looking at symbols, probably because I barely slept at all last night.

But I don't even feel tired, I just, feel disconnected and dissociated, words aren't real, they're just sounds or symbols.

My brain is slowly starting to regain power thankfully because I found out that a bunch of volumes of Kitai Fuku Ga Aru got translated and I've been waiting for awhile to keep reading it with how hard it clicked with me.

---

02/16/2025

I REALLY don't wanna go to work today, I already dread Sunday work days usually cuz they usually just suck but today I'm so incredibly tired and stressed, I don't wanna deal with anything.

---

02/15/2025

Hey. Let's talk about RFK JR.

Today I woke up to the amazing article that RFK JR is planning to send people who are taking antidepressanmts and ADHD stimulants to a """wellness camp""" where they will be forced to do manual labor.

Did you know it's significantly harder for someone with ADHD to get addicted to their medication? The only way for them to get high off of their medication is if they go over their recommended dosis, and they only case they would odds are they suffer from another mental health condition that should be treated along side it.

Did you know that antidepressants aren't even considered addictive? Did you know that antidepressants are only given to those with moderate to severe depression?

This man had a heroine addiction, he knows first hand what addiction is, yet he fixates on this shit rather than focusing on I don't know, the increase substance abuse among teens, teens vaping and drinking, WHY people fall to addiction in the first place.

RFK JR is also another person platforming the idea that vaccines cause autism.

All of these can be easily proven wrong, I suggest always doing your own research before you can't anymore.

---

02/12/2025

Today was absolute shit but instead of talking about that I wanna talk about my start into the 80s-90s obscure OVAs rabbithole.

I randomly found out about Shamanic Princess after seeing a gif from it on Tumblr out of context and it looked so cool I needed to see it for myself. First OVA is neat, a little hard to follow but I'm obssessed with the art style and Tiara's design is cunty as FUCK I love it, they do not make designs like this anymore.

---

02/11/2025

Had to do some roundabout shit for the main Neocities website to even load today.

So for context, when I woke up this morning for some reason Neocities.org just kept timing out, I did a bunch of things to try to fix it and it did nothing. It didn't load when I opened it on my phone HOWEVER it did load when I disconnected from the wifi.

For some reason, my main internet just, won't fucking load neocities. Our internet provider has been kinda ass as is but this is just a weird problem.

I'm able to access it now because I'm using one of those mobile routers than runs off of your phones internet. Hopefully this fixes itself.
And I doubt my internet provider for some reason suddenly decided to block Neocities, idk why they would in the first place.

Ok, it works normally now, idk what caused that.

Took my mp3 player with me as per-usual but I do wanna say that listening to Revelation from FFXIV Stormblood while it's downpouring rain hits different.

---

02/10/2025

Wore one of my biggest comfort outfits today, big ass bear theme, I'm a very big fan of bears, they're both super cute and terrifying at the same time, both capable of brutal murder but oh so friendshaped, my ideal creature.

I'm really anxious for tomorrow, another large snowstorm is gonna be coming through, I really hope it doesn't hit our area that hard, I don't wanna call in, nor do I really wanna deal with my managers bitching to me about how I don't wanna risk my life for a just passable job.

God my anxiety is eating at me tonight, I've mostly kinda gotten over my intense weather fears but a lot of my mind is just focused more on my managers, I haven't been putting 110% effort in anymore because I really don't need to, I'm not gonna burn myself out for just some fast food job, I'd just rather escape before they find an excuse to fire me.

I doubt they'd ever would, they've shown time and time again that they'll only fire people if they commit literal crimes.

---

02/06/2025

Websites back to normal again, will still be continuing to be vocal on all the shit regarding project 2025 though, just wanted to do something more big to correlate with the protests happening right now.

This is a reminder to every person living in the USA to try to participate in as many protests as possible and do anything you can to make change happen, just talking about how shit everything is on social media isn't gonna make change.

I recommend reading the article by Janus Rose "You Can't Post Your Way Out Of Fascism"

---

02/02/2025

Been trying to install this fan remaster PSX Lain that I almost completely forgot I got work today, oops, tunnel vision moment.

---

02/01/2025

Hey, friendly reminder to my fellow people in America that nihilism and defeatism is exactly what the people in power want you to do. They want you to give up, they want you to give in and allow yourself to die, they actively want you to believe that you can't fight back so it's easier for them.

Fight back, even just surviving against them is rebellion, if they're gonna turn this country into a fascist country, then we're not fucking going down without a fight alright!?

I know it'll be hard as fuck, especially for those who's rights are actively being stripped from them, but that is all the more reason to fight back, the people before us didn't give up and neither should we.

Research how you can help, protest, boycot, anything that'll fuck them over.

The "supposed leaders of free speech" are actively trying to strip that right from us, they don't actually like free speech, because they know it means we can fight back, so fucking use your voice, use your right of free speech.

---

01/28/2025

TW: discussion of dieting

God this diet has made me so fucking irritable I hate it, I'm honestly worried I might be under eating, I honest to god can't really tell. With all the conflicting studies on women's health it's hard to know, cuz a lot of them might be low-balling bc of weird ass beauty standards for women. Idk.

---

01/27/2025

This is the second time now I've had to reschedule this interview at (UNSPECIFIED PLACE) I think at this point I should really give up, idk if this place is worth my time.

---

01/26/2025

I caved and made a Bluesky, I'll add it to my links later but I'm kinda still testing if I'll even stay or not, considering it has a mega focus on not needing to use the algorithm I MIGHT but we'll have to see.

Today was dogshit but somehow using the last of my energy to make myself some salmon and grapes made me feel so fucking good. Sometimes a good ass meal is the best kind of self-care.

---

01/25/2025

TW: discussion of dieting

I got rejected for a refill of my birth control because of my weight so it's time I start cutting it down. I went out for groceries for myself of a bunch of healthy low carb food. I made salmon for myself for dinner and I was excited but while cooking it I suddenly got this intense paranoia of undercooking it.

Like, when I was 15 I was eating borderline undercooked steak like it was nothing, but suddenly I have the need to overcook this salmon or else I will die of 5000 parasites. I knew it was fully cooked, I checked multiple times and multiple sources, I did everything right, but even now my brain will not stop screaming "WHAT IF!!! BUT WHAT IF!?!?!?!?" and it probably won't until I wake up tomorrow and am not violently sick.

I can live in a disgusting state, mold actively growing, but food poisoning? THAT'S the line according to my amygdala

---

01/24/2025

It's one of those sensory hunger days, it is physically impossible for me to sit still or stop moving.

Unrelated cuz it happened mid typing, I've been getting so so many scam calls lately, maybe it's because of me applying to a bunch of places at once, concerns me that my phone number got leaked, idk what to really do about it.

Was kinda considering to get a blusky for the fuck of it, I thiiink the Project: Eden's Garden devs have an account on there? But I also have their discord server so idk. From what I've heard it's literally just Twitter but not own by Elon Musk and I hate Twitter even without Elon Musk in the picture.

Plus, I have Tumblr for my social media fix, I hate social media as is so I probably shouldn't even bother.

---

01/23/2025

TW: Politics

Seeing people ban Twitter links in mass on Reddit is so fascinating but also satisfying. I remember when Reddit was the Elon Musk suck-off site, I hope people take Elon Musk being a complete dumbass and pulling out a very blatant nazi salute as the final straw to finally leave the hellhole site of Twitter.

But what really pisses me off it right-wingers desperately claiming him doing it was because of his autism, which, no the fuck not???? The only senerio an autistic person would not be able to grasp was a nazi salute is if they were never fucking taught about nazis or, history in general.

Elon Musk knows what a nazi is, he's a dumbass but he's not stupid. Just really goes to show how people don't fucking know what autism is.

Makes me wanna quote this one comment I saw on an Instagram post, something along the lines of "their first mistake was thinking a white autistic guy doesn't know history."

Though, I have been seeing a lot of sources lately of when Elon Musk started claiming to be autistic- ahem sorry ~having asperger's~
and though I'm very much on the side of pro-self diagnosis under extensive research since studies have shown time and time again self diagnosises tend to be correct with autism along side the many many complications surrounding autism diagnosises around the world.

The fact that Elon Musk, a billionare who could easily buy his way out of most things, is self diagnosed, does bug me. There's no way someone with his level of money can't bypass the money complication and someone with his level of influence can't bypass literally everything else.

I'm not gonna outright be like "there's no way Elon Musk is autistic!!!!!" because, believe it or not, autism is a morally neurtral thing, autistic people can be good and bad. But it is suspicious, especially since !!!AS FAR AS I'M AWARE!!! his only justification is because autistic people are 'more intelligent than the rest of the world'

Which first of all, no, autism doesn't affect intelligence as much as people think, and second of all, that just sounds really egotistical justification, I guess it does align with a lot of aspie surpemacists, but whatever.

---

01/20/2025

My final Christmas pressent has arrived!

My beautiful baby girl she's so so cute.

My boyfriend and I went out to our local game store and got a really cool find.

Final Fantasy 8 is one of the ones I've been super interested in playing so this find was very cool, love being able to get the chance to have a physical version of it too. Looking at this game makes the whiplash between 8 and 9 so much funnier.

---

01/19/2025

I wanna cut off from social mediia so bad and completely throw myself into my creative work, even YouTube feels like it's slowly pushing me back into a nihilistic mindset, it's so hard to hold onto logic OR hope with how my feeds have been. I don't even really know what I watched to make it so incredibly miserable, not even like informational miserable, just people complaining about other people miserable, drama hungry miserable.

It's ironic that this is directly helping remove my impulse to try to distract myself from really thinking at all because there really isn't much for me to escape to other than people complaining about stuff that doesn't matter.

---

01/14/2025

The moment my arm is fully healed I'm gonna start practicing martial arts again, it was such an incredibly important part of my life and I just stopped because I lost all motivation to really do anything at all. Martial arts gave me so much motivation and joy that honest to god I would not be shocked that if I get back into it my mental health starts improving, it's just been so hard. I've been plagued with intense apathy towards everything lately, probably because of work. I want to start giving a shit again.

---

01/13/2025

Had a very strange nightmare last night, not gonna go into detail for personal shit but I fucking hate nightmares that fuck with my memories, when it feels like my memories of my actual life and the dream bleed together, it makes me feel like I'm losing my mind, I hate it. And of course I wake up with a stuffed nose and feeling overheated.


Finally watching Utopia (UK version, naturally) bc it's always clearly been some weird shit I'd be into even though I already know exactly what happens. Maybe I'll become yet another essayist that writes about Utopia.

---

01/11/2025

Treated myself this morning since yesterday sucked ass, god a nice frozen honey lavender latte, sometimes a little treat really does do wonders.

My arm still hurts a little, but it's definitely a lot better.

---

01/10/2025

Landed on my arm while wiping snow off my car and genuinely honest to god thought I broke it, I basically landed all my weight on one arm and it hurt a fuck ton, but I definitely just hyperextended it as it's just sore now.

I'm just thankful it isn't broken, as fucked as it is that my brain became more focused on the worry of how much a broken arm would cost rather than y'know, the potential of my arm being broken.

---

01/01/2025

Happy New Year!! With a new year I'm archiving the previous blog posts and starting fresh! Same goes for the rest of the logs once I get the chance.


In full honesty I'm incredibly anxious about this year, my boyfriend and I have to find somewhere new to stay as our roommate is moving out, we want to own a condo so we can get out of the renting cycle but I worry whether or not that'll even be possible.

The latter half of 2024 was really starting to drain me, it honestly sometimes feels like I'm not cut out to being an adult, but then again, who is in early adulthood?

I just hope I can move past this anxiety. Restlessness as I step into the unknown.

I've always hated not knowing what's coming next, never truly feeling fully prepared. But still, I have no choice but to move forward. But I still wish I could freeze time.

---